Yes – it is confession time. Obviously this is not my favorite thing to do but I love to keep it real so I need to make a confession to you all.
I have been Journaling for about a year and a half right now. It has been huge blessing for me and I can still recommend it to anyone who will listen. It brings a balance, organization and peace to my life that I really love. There is however a downside for people like me and this week it became (again) very apparent. Let me explain it to you from the beginning.
In the past probably ten years of my life I have become somewhat of a perfectionist. Luckily not in all aspects of my life but still enough to be annoying at times. And the worst part is that it sneaks up on me when I least expect it. It starts with me getting a bit uncomfortable and uneasy – at this stage it is not yet clear to me what I am actually fussing about but it asks for a lot of attention. Later on (sometimes a few hours, sometimes a few days) I start searching for ways to compensate for the thing that is not going according to how I would have liked it to be. That is the point that I usually figure out what is going on and work (with the tools I’ve learned over time) on calming my nerves and the urge to be perfect. A pretty solid approach I must say but of course not always helpful.
As you all know the year is almost coming to an end and 2019 had started knocking on our door. This means I have to start a new year in my Bullet Journal. For my perfectionist me this is one of the worst times. But I started early so I could get it right and wouldn’t have to stress about it. It didn’t work…
I started working and it went just fine. Planned it out – made sketches – started again – sketches some more and finally drew it in ink. I was really happy became it looked amazing. After about 10 pages I was done preparing for 2019 (that was about 2 days ago). With not much to make and create I followed another one of my hobbies – searching the internet for good Ideas. A hobby that usually gets me relaxed, happy and motivated. This time it made me sad and stressed. After just a little while I figured that I forgot a few pages of Year Planning and already started with the January set up. A minor mistake you would say but with the level of perfectionism in me it was a big, huge and quite devastating mistake.
For people like me this is the hard part of Journaling. You want your Bullet Journal to be perfect, flawless and beautiful. My mistake caused it to be imperfect and I couldn’t get over it. Yes – I realize it is stupid and petty (and I know that a lot of people will absolutely not understand it) but it took me a long time to deal with. My confession to you is that I didn’t really deal with it – yesterday I ordered a new Leuchtturm 1917 Bullet Journal and I’m going to start over. I feel a little bit ashamed about it but didn’t see another way to fix it. My old Journal, which had a lot of good pages left, will become my try-out Journal so it doesn’t go to waste.
With this I want to say to all the perfectionist Bullet Journal Addicts out there that it is ok to sometimes not know the answer to your perfectionism. It is ok to start over and make it more to your liking – at least – that is what I think of it.